How the Bloody Hell Did This Happen?
by klemonademouth
Summary: slash RLSB: “I'm going to go snog the living daylights out of Remus Lupin,and then I'm going to tell him that Padfoot wouldn't mind if Moony decided to have his way with him.” James groaned. "Too much information, Pads."--summary: Sirius eavesdrops.


"Bloody-" Sirius' swearing was cut off by his quill making a sudden, but not unexpected, bid for freedom.

It rolled under the bed.

"Stupid... buggering... thing..." he muttered, dropping to his knees on the floor and swiping under the bed with his hand. He didn't want to know what ghastly things he was touching. He finally spotted the quill, AGES away, on the far side of the bed. The part that was pressed against the wall. He'd have to crawl under the bed.

Sirius heaved a long, suffering sigh (quite pointless, because there was nobody there to sympathize with him, or even offer "I'll do it, Sirius, we can't have you messing up that gorgeous hair of yours,"), and pulled himself under the bed.

It was ruddy filthy under his bed. He slightly wondered why he'd never cleaned it. There were quite a few things gone to Jesus under there.

"Oh shite," Sirius whispered suddenly. He was stuck. "I'm stuck."

The door to the dormitory opened.

"Hel-" Sirius began to call, then clamped a hand over his own mouth. James and Peter, and even Remus for that matter, would tease the bloody Merlin out of him if they found out he'd somehow ended up stuck under his bed.

"I still don't get it," James's irritated voice said. "Why can't Sirius be-"

"I told you, James." Remus' voice said, impatiently. "I've told you several times?"

"So Padfoot really can't be there tomorrow night?"

"Bloody hell, James, no!"

Sirius' heart flopped around somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach.

"I don't know how to tell him," Remus continued, sounding frustrated.

"Make up something," James suggested.

Sirius could picture Remus frowning. "I don't like to lie to him, James."

"Look, Moony, I don't think you can just march up to Padfoot and go, 'sorry, mate, you just can't be around me at full moons anymore, it's some freaky werewolf thing... it's not you, it's me.'"

Sirius' blood froze in his veins. Remus didn't want to be around him anymore? _His _Remus?

"Right, of course I can't say that, but I won't lie, either."

Sirius heard a long, dramatic sigh, clearly from James, then a squeak as the mattress sagged down across the room. Remus' bed.

"I still don't understand why you can't be around him anymore."

"I've told you, James," Remus' voice took on that patient, matter-of-fact tone that he always used when James, Peter, or Sirius were being an idiot. Sirius had to grin. "Werewolves typically mature at the age of seventeen to eighteen, and they need a mate. Usually they mate with another werewolf, but any canine will do. And I've figured out- since Sirius is always around me, well... Moony wants Padfoot."

Sirius' heart stopped.

"And you don't want Sirius, that's why it's killing you?" James asked. "Oops." His wand had dropped on the floor. He'd clearly been twirling it between his fingers.

"You know perfectly well that I fancy Sirius, you arse," Remus said as James reached down to pick his wand up.

To Sirius' extreme surprise, James looked straight into Sirius' eyes as if he had known he was there all along, winked, and straightened up. Sirius' mouth fell open. _James knew he was there_.

"Then why can't Moony and Padfoot be together, and you and Sirius? Sounds simple enough to me."

"It's not that simple," Remus said, sounding frustrated, and Sirius could picture him running his hands through his hair. "Sirius doesn't want me, and Padfoot doesn't want Moony, and I can't force him into a decision just because he's my friend and feels sorry for me, or because Moony has chosen. _And_," he continued, more forcefully (Sirius could picture James having opened his mouth to object), " even if Sirius and Padfoot _did_ fancy Remus and Moony like we want them to, I'm too dangerous. Plus, think of the ruckus this would cause around Hogwarts. It's not right to be like this. It's unnatural."

Sirius heard James sigh again. "Moony, how many times do I have to tell you that Sirius fancies the pants off you? You wouldn't be forcing him into _anything_, he'd _jump_ at the chance to be with you. And yeah, you're dangerous. Don't you dare go using that as an excuse. All of us knew exactly what we were in for when we became animagi. And I think being a poof is perfectly fine, and anyone who doesn't can go suck it." a slight pause, in which Sirius could only hear breathing. "Stop making excuses, Remus."

"He can't be there tomorrow," Remus insisted. Sirius heard a set of footsteps across the floor, then the door open and close. Snother set of footsteps to the door. He heard it creak open, then close.

"All right," James said, quietly. "You can come out now, Sirius."

"I'm stuck," Sirius confessed.

The other boy laughed. "So that's why you were there. I was wondering." he chuckled for a second, then said, "Have you ever thought of using magic?"

"Brilliant idea, mate!" Sirius said, enthusiastically, freeing himself and crawling out from under the bed.

Sirius dusted himself off casually, flicking his hair out of his face.

"What are you going to do, mate?" James asked, watching him.

Sirius met James' quizzical face with a blinding grin, clearly startling him.

"I'm going to go snog the living daylights out of Remus Lupin," Sirius said, "and then I'm going to tell him that Padfoot wouldn't mind if Moony decided to have his way with him."

James groaned. "Too much information, Padfoot."

"Anytime, Prongs," Sirius saluted him and dashed out of the room, down the stairs, out the portrait hole. Remus could be halfway to the library by this time.

He finally caught up to him in an empty hallway, and without preamble, pushed him against a wall and kissed him.

For a minute it was all brute force and desperation, but as Sirius slowed down, softened the kiss, and as Remus started to respond, it turned differently. Remus' hand made its way up the front of Sirius' shirt and clenched it in his fist; Sirius tangled one hand in the other boy's hair and marveled at how soft it was.

Sirius started it; he had to end it.

He pulled back.

Remus wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then proceeded to stare at Sirius for a good couple of seconds before bursting out with, "What the bloody Merlin was _that_?"

"That was how I feel about you," Sirius said, simply, going back over to Remus and taking his hand easily.

Remus' eyes were wide. "How did you- I mean-"

"I heard you and James. Just now. In the dormitories," Sirius said, fairly itching for the conversation to be over and for the snogging to start back up again.

Remus swore and kicked the wall.

"Now, now, love," Sirius said, soothingly, "I kissed you, didn't I? And I don't give a damn whether Moony feels like shagging Padfoot, either." a smirk crossed his face and he looked Remus up and down. "In fact, that might be interesting."

A dark look crossed Remus' face.

"Rem, don't be like that," Sirius begged. "I love you."

"I love you too," Remus said, easily, touching Sirius' cheek. "But you still can't go tomorrow night." He took Sirius' hand and they began walking back down the hallway in the direction Sirius had come, towards the common rooms.

"Please?"

"No."

"But I-"

"No."


End file.
